One thing I'm really not good at is planning ahead. Feel free to confirm this with my husband. I can't think of much that would give him more joy than a long and detailed discussion of my flaws. Anyway, one thing I didn't really plan ahead for when I made this crown commitment was the end of the goddamn quarter. Do you know how much work there is at the end of the quarter? So much. So so much. So many papers and essay exams and student emails. And then there was Thanksgiving.
Anyway, I missed two full weeks of sonnet deadlines, and now Winter quarter is looming. If I were smarter, I would probably be working on prepping for that, but writing is always easiest to accomplish when it helps to facilitate the procrastination of something else.
Why shouldn’t I, why shouldn’t I get what I want?
Oh it’s unseemly, isn’t it? To name
my desires, give breath to the visions that haunt
me. And there are those who would not have me claim
them, would caution me to wait, to grovel,
to be grateful for whatever is shoved
into my lap, be it ugly or awful—
no matter. The secret to being loved
we tell little girls, is just to deserve it.
But what if love is not the thing I crave?
If I’m not interested in being worthy,
or quiet or kind or carefully behaved?
I’m tired of being pleasant. I wish to be pleased.
Let us be audacious. Indecent. Indiscreet.
To catch up, start here.